Sometimes things run their natural course.
Sometimes things change without you realising it.
Some things can go on and on and on, or they can end while they are still good, leaving happy memories with you that make you smile.
Take the last episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”.
I absolutely love that series. For seven seasons it went boldly where no-one went before, exploring new life and new civilisations. Being a huge fan of the original series with William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy I was thrilled when it was announced that a new Star Trek series was going to be made. I loved every episode, every character and every storyline.
But as the title of the final 2 episodes of the series said, all good things must come to an end.
It is the same with this blog and “Frankie’s Legacy”.
When I started this blog and I started writing about my grief at losing my precious son Frankie, I wanted to change the world. I wanted to raise awareness. I wanted to pass on as much about my experiences as possible because if that meant I helped just one other person, it would be worth it.
I started off doing all of those things and more, I was relentless. But I was missing something absolutely fundamental.
I wasn’t looking after myself.
I wasn’t seeing the wood from the trees.
I wasn’t taking enough time to smell the roses and appreciate what I did have and the little things in life. I was too focused on what I’d lost.
I continued to lose after I lost Frankie. In fact I did nothing but lose.
I lost my father in law Allan.
I lost my cousin Brenda.
I lost my cousin Tony.
I lost my beloved German Shepherd Curley.
I lost my beautiful, wonderful and amazing Aunty Marie.
I lost my wonderful Uncle Vincenzo.
All in the space of just under 4 years.
On top of that I endured redundancies (mine and my husband’s), betrayals by people who I thought were my friends and the loss of people from my life who had been in it a long time, and who suddenly didn’t know what to say to me when they saw me after I lost Frankie.
I promised my Frankie that I would go on and live my life without him, as this post describes. Despite all the other death and loss I have endured, I think I am doing a damn good job. Losing my Aunty Marie has hit me so hard, I miss her so much. To see her decline so quickly from dementia, a cruel and evil disease, broke my heart into a million tiny pieces all over again. My heart has never truly mended from losing my Frankie, and it has a hell of a lot of healing to do to recover from losing as many loved ones as I have.
Frankie has been laid to rest with his Great Aunty Maria and Great Uncle Frank, and is now in his forever bed. When I knew that the prognosis for my Aunty Marie was not good, I knew the right thing to do was to have Frankie laid to rest with her, so they could be together for ever. As I wrote in my letter to her, it was the least I could do for her for everything she had done for me over the years.
It is now time for me to close the book on that chapter of my life. That does NOT mean I will never think about him or miss him, I do that every single day without fail. But by dwelling on the ones that have gone, I will not see what is right under my nose, which are the ones who are still here who need me.
It is time for me to move on to pastures new.
It is time for me to close the door to “Frankie’s Legacy” and this blog.
So this is my final blog entry for “Frankie’s Legacy”.
“Cyber Geek Girl” will be my new blog, a blog about living your life with mindfulness, passion and positivity. The website address is http://www.cybergeekgirl.co.uk.
I will keep this blog up in memory of Frankie, so that if anyone comes across it who has been through what I’ve been through, I hope it offers them some small comfort and is of some help.
All that remains for me to say is a huge THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to each and every one of you for your support, for your help, for caring and for being with me on this journey. It has meant the world to me, and I could NOT have got through the last few years without you all.
Please bookmark http://www.cybergeekgirl.co.uk, and I’ll see you there very soon!
With all my love,
Lisa – Frankie’s Mummy xxxx